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Reasons why Kane would make a fantastic Mental Health Professional:

  • Wore a creepy mask for most of his life in order to hide the gruesome facial scaring caused by a fire that he (allegedly) set as a child (being a pyromaniac and all). Said fire also happened to kill both of his/The Undertaker’s parents.
  • Attempted to murder The Undertaker (his half-brother, who had survived the aforementioned fire) by putting him inside a casket and setting it on fire.
  • Dug up his parents’ dead bodies and brought them to a wrestling show in order to torment ‘Taker.
  • Can supposedly summon fire and lighting at will.
  • Killed a German Shepherd with his bare hands as a child.
  • Has been committed to multiple insane-asylums throughout his life.
  • Was a mute for most of his life until suddenly, as an adult, he found the ability to speak (without the aid of any speech therapy or other medical assistance).
  • Doesn’t like coffee.
  • Once electrocuted Shane McMahon’s testicles.
  • (Allegedly) killed the girl he was in love with and (allegedly) proceeded to have sex with her corpse.
  • Agreed to take his mask off after losing a wrestling match, revealing that his facial scarring existed only in his mind, and all that was on his face was some poorly applied black make up (which he may or may not have put on daily).
  • Set Jim Ross on fire.
  • Kidnapped and impregnated an unwilling female coworker, then forced her to marry him after winning another wrestling match, before ultimately causing her to miscarry (via falling on top of her).
  • Inexplicably began going crazy whenever the date May 19th was mentioned around him due to the ‘voices in his head threatening to reveal a secret’. He was tormented by an anonymous person over the date (which was later revealed as the date he killed his family in the fire), who turned out to be an impostor of himself. He then beat impostor-him up. 
  • In 2008, Kane began carrying around a burlap sack with a mask in it. He eventually revealed that the mask belonged to Rey Mysterio, whom he had apparently kidnapped, held hostage for weeks, and beaten within an inch of his life (but we just had to take his word for it because surprisingly WWE had never caught it on camera). He then let Mysterio go without any struggle because he was needed to fill in an empty spot in a Championship Scramble match. 
  • Developed erotomania for a very brief period while attempting to hold another female coworker hostage. (Thanks to Jocelyn for reminding me of this one!!)
  • Beat his half-brother, The Undertaker into a vegetative state while celebrating Memorial Day together, only to nurse him back to full health while simultaneously undertaking a false manhunt to find who the ‘real’ attacker was. 
  • Yet again attempted to murder his half-brother, this time by burying him alive. 
  • (Possibly) killed Paul Bearer (his father) after pushing him off a ladder because he thought it was a mannequin. 
  • May or may not have become a welder while recovering from injury in 2011. 
  • Put his old mask back on despite clearly not needing it (because of the whole, not being scarred in a fire thing) and without acknowledging or explaining it.
  • Tried to drag Zack Ryder, a man who means nothing to him, down to “hell” (aka under a wrestling ring) but was stopped by John Cena, causing him to set off an explosive in retaliation. 

SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL TO ME.